1. If your life was a movie, name one song that would be on the soundtrack.
2. If Darth Vader was your dad, would you have joined the Dark Side?
3. Do you like waffles?
4. If you were stranded in the middle of nowhere with no spare clothes, would you wear your underwear inside out on the second day?
5. Do you like stuff?
6. What's your sign?
7. Have you ever felt the urge to inflict violence on strangers?
8. Would you ever walk up to a girl and ask "How's it hangin'"?
9. If you were a hermaphrodite, which sex would you date? (Both is not an option.)
10. Would you ever live in a house with the number 666 on 13th street?
11. Do you approve of bed head?
12. Do you approve of wedgie picking in public?
13. If there were no exit signs, how would you know how to get out?
14. Where does short end, and tall begin?
15. Have you ever barked at anyone?
16. Does 2000 flushes really last that long?
17. Do you ever feel like walking up to someone and saying "Please Sir, can I have some more?"
18. If a cat eats a catfish is that cannibalism?
19. What comes after thrice?
20. Do you shave your milk mustache?
21. What would you do if you came across snuffalupagus wearing an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini?
22. Do you think it would be funny to get a walrus drunk?
23. When you eat your Smarties do you eat the red ones last?
24. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
25. If you're driving down a road in your canoe and a wheel falls off, how many monkeys can you fit in a barn?
A GOOD VERSION OF THE PARACHUTE JOKE:
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere
above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael
Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie.
Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage
compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The
cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news
is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that
there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!"
With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I
am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I
think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!"
With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and
hurtled through the door and into the night.
Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man.
The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should
have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali
Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and
brave known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead
of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."
The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The
world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."